Still clueless, but I think I might have a clearer idea of what to do around here.
I'm going to go and hide now....
Sometimes, I catch myself staring, wondering if maybe they are doing the same thing. Thinking about me, wondering how I am doing, hoping I am doing well.
I’ve lost track of how many weekends I’ve looked forward to. When nobody could possibly be too busy and they’ll have time, even just a minute, for me only for me to see that everybody is off having fun doing whatever, except not contacting me.
And the story repeats, over and over. Until I feel that my heart couldn’t break anymore only for it be broken yet again by yet another careless friend who promised they’d keep in touch, and never doing so. More important things must have gotten in the way, I guess.
What use am I to them when I’m not cleaning up their messes or entertaining them? The worst part of this all? I let them get under my skin. Let them wriggle their way into my heart. And what remains is an itch that has no relief in sight.
So, I sit, and wish somebody would say something today. Even a simple “Hope your day is going good” or a “How is it going?” because as dumb as it may sound, I STILL have some sort of faith that somebody cares. But I fear that I might be wrong. Again….
azurikius asked: This is probably the most important question you will ever be asked: What noise does an Aevee make when she finds extra salad on her hamburger?
Something like *flicks lettucey salad off* and *hugs Azzi for comfort and protection from saladey doom in case it fights back.
My mind is constantly buzzing with thoughts. Some nice, some sad, some weird, some that make no sense to even me. Some I say without thinking. I have no control over it. I wish I did, but that isn’t how the brain works, is it? It would be nice if it did though.
I am always worried that I will hurt somebody. Always. Whether it’s on accident or because I lash out because I am having a bad day. I am always worried that I will slip up. I don’t want to hurt anybody, so I stay silent so that I don’t end up hurting somebody.
I miss people even if they don’t miss me. Not a lot of people have been nice to me in my life, so the few that are are always appreciated and I always think about them. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I am.
I finally have people in my life I don’t want to lose, that I couldn’t BEAR to lose, and I have no idea how not to. I never had to learn how to before. People rarely gave me a reason to want them around, so if they left I did not care.
But that has changed. And I am afraid. Completely and utterly afraid that I will lose everybody I hold dear, and there is nothing I can do about it. That I am so naturally “toxic” and “strange” to people, that they all leave because of it. That at the end of the day, it’s my fault and mine alone they all left and there is nothing I can do about it.
I don’t know how to change these thoughts, but maybe, just maybe somebody out there can help me out with them. A simple “Hey, how are you?” or “What’s up?” every now and again would mean the world. It shows that I am not crazy thinking that maybe there are people out there who like me and care about me as I care about them.
Thanks for reading and a have a good one out there amongst the monsters.
if your mental health is ruining your education and you know it clap your hands
if your education is ruining your mental health and you know it clap your hands
if you have to drop some classes
so you don’t snap and kill your neighbours
if your education is ruining your mental health
and you know it
clap your hands